When it comes to other people's sins, we immediately put on the black robe and become ruthless judges, but when it comes to our offspring, we suddenly become the most expensive lawyers in the world. Take social media, for example. You scroll through Facebook or TikTok and see an “influencer” or even someone you know who has done something stupid—for example, parked in a double space or uploaded a slightly provocative photo. We immediately take on the role of moral judge. “Look at how arrogant he is.” “Doesn’t he have any shame?” “Where is the education?”—the comments rain down, and the verdict is final and without appeal. However, just an hour later, we ourselves stop “just for a minute” at the emergency lights in front of the bakery, blocking all traffic. And then our inner lawyer begins his plea: “But I’m in a hurry.” “There was nowhere else to go.” “The child is hungry.” “This is just for a moment; he’s not like those real brats.” The source is absolutely right—we always find extenuating circumstances for ourselves. It’s the same story at work. When a colleague misses a deadline, they’re “disorganized,” “lazy,” or simply “not up to the job.” The judge within us has taken a harsh stance. But what if we miss that same deadline? Oh, then it’s because the client didn’t explain well, the internet went down, or we were simply overwhelmed with “more important tasks.” We are lawyers who can justify even the biggest outrage with “objective reasons.” Even in personal relationships, it's like this. If our partner forgets an anniversary or an important occasion, it's a sign of "lack of respect" and "total negligence." If we forget—"Well, I'm human, I'm tired from work, my head is spinning." Ultimately, our lives are a never-ending process. The problem is that we rarely realize how unfair this process is. Maybe if we sometimes tried to be others' advocates (to show a little understanding) and our judges (to take responsibility), the world wouldn't be such a draining place. However, until that happens, we're likely to continue blaming others while secretly formulating our own excuses.
Author Sezgin Ismailov
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